Wow - not much I could say would top that. I, too, have had moments where I wanted nothing more than to introduce the offending object to Mr. Sledgehammer (several items met their fate in that way, actually, though usually just uncooperative drives). Never had the desire to snort ground-up circuit boards, tho.

As for advice? Put that thing somewhere that you will not think about it for at least a week, and then if you decide later that you want to try again, take it slow. Check the hardware for the usual problems (leaking capacitors, loose/corroded contacts or wires, excessive dust, bridged traces, etc). It sounds like the vast majority of your problems have to do with CDROM operations. Old optical drives have a habit of being uncooperative, so if you have lots of media errors, try using a few different drives. As I've said before, Matsushita-manufactured drives often cause me more grief than anything else, and if I'm having CD read errors, the first thing I look at is the drive manufacturer. If it's Matsushita, it's gone. I have a few non-Apple TEAC or Pioneer drives that work exceptionally well, so they're my workhorses.

I don't think there's anything else to say on this one - if you do decide to go Office Space that computer, be sure to wear safety goggles and preferably wear gloves.