...I'm still assuming I can't get internet through localtalk on my Classic

No you can't, at least not down LocalTalk.

LocalTalk is simply the physical layer in Apple's AppleTalk file protocol, you need to talk IP (Internet Protocol) down a suitable physical layer that can carry that protocol - ethernet, 10 Base T (twisted pair wiring) being the most obvious choice.

The Apple Internet Router you mention only routes AppleTalk, not IP and is a software router.

So you need to get the Classic onto ethernet with EtherTalk and TCP/IP.