Axis of Evil Wannabees

Axis of Evil Wannabees,
by John Cleese

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya,
China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as
Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid
Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the
Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as
having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as
Evil . . .in their dreams" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il.
"Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil . . .
we're the best".

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,
although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.

"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi
President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In
World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So,
you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly
cool."

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declarion was swift, as
within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations
rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical
chairs.

Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat
Evil," forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of
Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the
"Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable."

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling
up . . . Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the
"Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to
Host the Olympics."

Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are
Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About
America", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of
Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick." That's not a
threat, really, just something we like to do, said Scottish Executive
First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making
fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he
rejected the establishment of the Axis Countries "whose names End in
Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false application.
Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but
privately, world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.