Huh. That sucks. Who are you?

- Rob

PS: I find the fact that people don't really take their promises ( 'in good times and in bad times' ) pretty disgusting.

Oh man, things aren't happy. Instead of fixing it, I should just quit and get a new one!

****ing pathetic. People have the same view on cars, our whole society is disposable. Good luck with your new woman until you have problems in your relationship, then ditch her and get something new.

Yeah, it's too bad that most people aren't like you and never make a mistake in their life.

Sorry to hear about it, but it may be for the best.

I was married for 20 years, and for the last 5 we too had grown apart. We had a very amicable divorce. We didn't argue about any property. As a matter of fact, we used the same lawyer, and split the cost. We've been divorced for over 12 years, and I see her and her partner frequently (they live 5 houses from one of our daughters and we've always been extremely close to our two girls). We're splitting baby sitting duties this Sunday for our grandson, and there hasn't been animosity whatsoever. I've been out on their boat with them many times, and my ex has a jet ski, which she lets me use when I want.

I realize that this is probably an extreme example, but it is possible to have an amicable divorce. It sounds like you may be able to move along without a lot of pain, and that's good. Not every divorce has to be full of hatred and become a battle.

Good luck.

Remember kiddies, in today's world, your promises mean jack ****.

- Rob

PS: I've made mistakes. And learned from them. Pity you can't attempt to fix a relationship and instead find it easier just to give up and move on. You're pathetic.

Another fine post from The ****tard Formerly known as Ca$h.

She brought up divorcing first, quite a while ago. After living in emotional purgatory for literally 5 or 6 years, I've gotten over it and decided to actually try to move on.

Clearer numbnuts?

Would you suggest I stay married until it gets so bad that we hate each others' ****ing guts?

Saul -- sorry to hear about your situation. Amicable divorce is not as uncommon as you may think. There's a growing trend toward "collaborative divorce." If you wish, contact me at brachiator at yahoo dot com and I'll be happy to give you some links to info. I couldn't imagine practicing family law myself (), but I know people who do!

Regardless, I think that if you two want to do it in the most productive and amicable way possible you should be able to find a lawyer wherever you are to help you through it, like it sounds like KarlG did.

good luck

Thank you.

you mean its not saul goode?




stupid jokes aside, that sucks.

so does cash.

wow. Me and Karl have a lot in common. Even the sharing the lawyer part. I was married for ten years, but never had any children.

Yeah, you can get divorced and still be friends. Can't say it's a worthwhile friendship, though. I always have a hollow feeling while we talk and share our life experiences. There's definitely something missing. Whatever it is that *real* friends feel for one another. I still care and still wish her the best, although her problems are no longer my responsibility.

It's easy to be friends if you don't love each other. Because there's no reason to fight. No point in arguing. It simply isn't worth the effort involved. I'm not sure you can be angry at someone you don't love. If you don't give a crap what they say or think, it's kinda hard for them to piss you off, right? The fact that couples argue and fight tells me they still care...as strange as that sounds. The time to worry is when they lose the urge to fight. When they finally give up all hope.

I wouldn't describe the relationship with my ex-wife as "friends". I'd call it something less. I wouldn't even be inclined to recommend it to others. Not talking at all is probably preferable. Because I can't see how I'm any better off after being "friends" with my ex-wife for the last 6 years.

There's no downside. But, worse, there's no upside either.

Move on. Don't look back.

And I'm sure you've known me formerly since you've been on these forums... oh ..... a bit over a year! Go you! You must know me really well!

Quote:

She brought up divorcing first, quite a while ago. After living in emotional purgatory for literally 5 or 6 years, I've gotten over it and decided to actually try to move on.

Yippie skippy! That makes everything okay then!

Quote:

Clearer numbnuts?

It's perfectly clear that you're willing to trash all of your invested time because you're too god damn lazy to fix anything about the relationship.

Quote:

Would you suggest I stay married until it gets so bad that we hate each others' fucking guts?

I would suggest make a ****ing attempt to keep things together. Forgeta bout the stupid bitch at the office, there are TONS of fine girls everywhere, but only ONE you've spent 14 yrs with. For what? Nothing? Did you take her out? Vacations? Listen? Discuss spirituality? Do anything to fix the situation and grow closer to her? Or did you just sit on your fat ass and grow apart, then once you're far enough apart to not give a **** you cut the cord and broke your promises.

What a ****ing chump.

Good luck to the new lady, I hope she tires of you and dumps your ass.

- Ca$h

Yep. Because today's society is ****ing awful, and nobody cares when people lie, cheat, go back on their words, or do other stupid things. The more I think about this, the more it ****ing pisses me off... what ever happened to good moral character with integrity and whatnot!?!?!

ARGH.

- Rob

Exactly. maybe you guys should just date a tamagotchi? That way when you get tired of it you can just throw it in a drawer and forget about it.

what a bunch of wankers.

- Rob

Look us up in a few years, Ca$h.

After you know enough to earn the right to give advice in these matters.

Considering my parents got divorced when I was 4, and my mom divorced the rich stepdad she remarried, I think I have plenty of experience with divorces and whatnot, Spliff. In fact, I'd say that I've dealt with divorces for a larger percentage of my life than the rest of you and I will say this: The ****ing suck. My grandparents fought quite a bit, and in today's society, they'd probably have gotten a divorce since everyone thinks a ****ing relationship is supposed to be love story/soap opera crap. It's not. It has ups and downs. That's the point of MARRIAGE. You promise to stay together in the ups AND THE DOWNS.

****ing liars.

- Rob

wow, cash is the new zimph...check out those replies one after another!


i hope things work out for you and your current partner. i'm sure it'll be rough but it also sounds like something that you were both waiting for. take care

Robert, you are way out of line. Lighten up on the rhetoric. You sound like a pissed of kid that can't get around the fact his parents spilt.

I agree completely with what Cash is saying.
A relationship is meant to be developed and not just given up by ending in divorce or getting comfortable with the idea of speration just because it's so prevalent in society today.

You haven't a clue. I would trade my upbringing with your whining ass any day. You have no idea.

You act as if it should be so simple, but it's not. When you grow up and have to face the real world maybe you'll get it, but I doubt it.

You have issues.

BTW, I've been here since September of 2000. Search for smacintush. I've been here PLENTY long enough to see you act like an ass every time you reach for the keyboard.



I'm glad to hear the rest of your stories, it makes me feel better. I think it'll workout OK.

I have no idea who you are or your backstory. I'm curious, just because everyone seems to know some dark history about you and thinks you a schmuck. Anyway, since I don't have any reason to respond in kind to you, I'll respond in good faith.

Do you really think "amicable divorce" is "awful" and indicative of corrupt moral character and lack of integrity? What then of standard adversarial divorce? Some people will part. Permanent monogamy does not appear to be natural or easy and not everyone can or eventually wants to play that role. Isn't it better and and an indicator of good character and high integrity to attempt to part on civilized, if not good, terms, sparing financial and emotional resources and preserving, if there are kids, some level of parental fabric? Rather than taking a scorched-earth approach?

Incidentally, do you know something more about Saul Goode and his relationship, something that he did not disclose to the rest of us in his post? Do you know, for example, the specifics of the vows he and his wife exchanged?

I don't know more than he wrote and wouldn't presume to condemn him on the little information he provided. And what harm is there to you or society from the mutual decision of this couple to end their relationship -- harm sufficient to justify your extreme responses?

I mean, unless there's a lot more to this story than I can see, I'm pretty appalled at your tirades.

Meant by whom?

Marriage: it's the new SVX.

Good luck with things, saul goode.

Ca$h is acting like you always have a choice whether to divorce or not.

"Work it out", he says.

With who? I ask. She doesn't want to work it out. She's gone. Buh bye. WORK WHAT OUT?

Dontcha know that in most divorces there is at least one person who doesn't want to get divorced?

So why do they get divorced?

Perhaps because there's no choice?

"Work it out" lol

ok.

When you commit to someone because you love them, that's what you do. That's what a commitment entails. You stick through the good times AND bad. All relationships have problems, that doesn't mean you just move on from one person to the next as soon as things seem to get bad (assuming you started off with good intentions and a serious commitment, just like marriage). It takes time and effort, not just to start it off well, but also to maintain the same throughout your relationship.

Great advice. I'm all for it.


Tell it to my ex-wife. She wasn't aware.

So, then, "meant by Macfreak?"

Can't people have different approaches to committment than you? Different thresholds of failure than you? Or even agree mutually to end the committment?

How much time?

How much effort?

Says who? God? I'm an atheist. Marriage means whatever my own principles say that it means.

I don't know how it came across that I take this lightly or that I haven't tried. I didn't mean to sound that way if I did. This whole ordeal is tearing me up. At some point though, you realize that the horse is dead and you put down the stick.

You didn't sound that way. Others took it that way, although I can't see quite how other than that your situation triggered some important issues or anguishes.

Things change. When I hear of people who get married, then get divorced 6 months later, I consider these people fools, but this guy said they had been together for 14 years. Sometimes things don't work out, and it's better to move on. A Marriage license does not mean a life of eternal misery, if things go wrong. It seems like this guy is doing the right thing. good luck.

Same old story here - 12 years of cohabitating, 4 married. I agree with spliffdaddy that the remaining-friends part, while nice if you can pull it off, is usually just awkward.

Nowadays, I only date Amish women.