Cutthroats Manual

2 True Tales of Adventure RAMBLINC WITH JACK OUR READERS' OWN A LETTER FROM THE EDITOR TRUE TALES OF ADVENTURE In the brotherhood of true adventurers, no name was steaming in the Tropics more revered than that of Moose "Moose" Llasko. I The Mogga Beast is dead. None of the natives dared say "was" because it saddens me to report that brave its poisonous tentacles and lashing spiked tail, "Moose" has passed into the Great Beyond, a victim so they hired me to do the dirty work for a cool million in a hopeless wrestling match with a giant octopus clams. After chumming the water near the Great Reef who attacked his underwater bagpipes quartet. to stir up the creature's bloodlust, I dove in and I always admired "Moose" because in many ways watched from beneath a coral arch. Not one minute he reminded me of myself. Like him, I wasn't exactly after I'd reached my hiding place, I saw Mogga slither- born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Oh, no. A kid ing through the murk, all fifty horrifying feet of the growing up in Hell's Kitchen learns pretty early about brute . And he saw me-my bubbles had given me survival of the fittest. Or he doesn't survive. I re- away. member, for instance, the time in kindergarten when It was do or die. The beast was almost upon me be- I dropped my crayon and little Danny Esterhazy fore I'd uncapped the dart. He took a swipe at me with kicked me in the teeth. And then there was the time his anterior tentacle , but in his frenzy, he missed by a when I was holding the ball for a field goal in the hairbreadth. And that gave me the split second I Thanksgiving Day game, and Danny Esterhazy delib- needed to pump 20 cc's of strychnine into his gaping erately missed the ball .. . and kicked me in the teeth. maw. That night, I delivered Mogga's head to the But most of all, I recall my senior prom. And how my chieftain. date and I snuck outside the rec hall for a little neck- My problem is this: Does anybody have any sug- ing. There was a light, cool breeze in the air, and the gestions on where I can unload 1673 bushels of cherry- fragrance of the river was in our nostrils, and I could stones? Fishmarkets, rush your orders now! These feel the wet grass through the holes in the soles of my things are starting to stink up the joint. two-tones. It was a magic moment indeed-and then (Name withheld by request) and there, gazing into my girl's eyes, I made the most P.O. Box3 important decision of my life. I knelt down on one Lesser Wug-Iukka Atoll knee, and began stammering my proposal. And she Near Mindanao kicked me in the teeth. I later found out Danny Es- terhazy had paid her …