Internally, I would connect serial to my Etherwave, connect the etherwave to the hub, and the hub to the router. I want to make some itty-bitty patch cords so all the unused ports can be made external

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Might I suggest you make all the ports external? (and labelled) That way if you decide to change the patching at any time, you don't have to open the case. Just swap your itty patch cables around. If space permits, you might just be able to expose the rear of each device at the back of the LC case.

BTW excellent hack idea. Pixplzkthx!