Happy Coming Out Week

Heya forkies. Can't get to your letter but I'm sure its really nice (connection timeouts).

I 'came out' (hate that phrase sooooo much) just a few days before my 21st birthday to a couple of colleagues at the school I was working in at the time. I'd known both of them for years - one was male, the other female. Outwardly at the time I was still really unsettled with my sexuality but inwardly I knew it wasn't going to change.

There was one other person who I really wanted to talk to about it, another female colleague who I'd known since I was about 11, someone who I could talk to about (just about) anything. But I couldn't. I felt at the time that she had far too much else going on in her life to land her with this as well - her youngest son who was 4 years old at the time was going though a bone-marrow transplant.

A while after that I told my mother and she wasn't surprised in the slightest but was a little upset for the usual reasons. She asked if I'd told my dad, which I hadn't and really didn't want him to know at that point for various reasons. My mother, bless her managed to keep quiet about it to my dad for the best part of a year. She did talk to my sister about it which I was fine with.

I finally came out to my dad after a horrendous session with my doctor. I'd been feeling crap for months and months and my boyfriend eventually persuaded me to visit my GP. I did and was diagnosed with chroic depression and was put on some pretty hefty medication which just totally spaced me out. I couldn't hide that from my dad and when he asked me what was going on and I told him. I was completely surprised with how well he took it, I was so totally not expecting him to take it like he did.

Now, I'm far more comfortable with my sexuality and I'm out to the people who matter, my friends and family and I'm living with my partner of four and a half years and couldn't be happier. I'm not totally out at work which annoys me somewhat because I'd like to be able to talk about my boyfriend. I'm out to a few people in my office and they're really cool about it, however there is this one guy who is the same age as me who is a complete homophobe - he's admitted as much in conversation before. The people I am out to just don't get how he can be like that. I'm friendly enough with this guy most of the time but sometimes he just really gets on my tits. Also, with the type of work I do I can't really be quite as open as I would like to be - certainly in this area there is still a suspicion about gay men who work with children.

Anyhow, I'm rambling now... off for a glass of wine and a smoke.

Edited to add: I did eventually manage to speak to my friend about it (the one with the kid) and she has been one of the most supportive people I know.

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forkies: I want to commend you on the courage it took to let your parents and the world know. I especially like this part in your letter:

"...It's just another part of me, and I am the same person now as I was just yesterday. Please try not to blame yourselves for this since, not only have you done nothing to "cause" it, I don't even think there is anything to be blamed for. I know you'll always love me, and I need you to know I'll always love you guys too."

I am not gay myself but if I were I wish I had understanding parents like yours. Like wdlove said it is great to have supportive friends and family.

P.S. Don't let the others in this forum get to you. Sometimes people just like to do things to get us all worked up. I just ignore them and go about my business. I figure it's no use adding fuel to the fire you know?

Topic: Happy Coming Out Week


That's soooo 1990.

Anyway, I came out today. Came out of my house and went to Subway and got a sandwich.

Would that mean forkies was a deeply repressed Christian?

For what? Someone here mentioned coming out for using a Mac, but that's just silly. What are you referring to?

That is a different topic all together.

I have personally lived that hell. Read some of my early poetry.

My first year at college I despised coming out week because the queers&allies group here writes things in chalk on the sidewalks around campus. Every one I saw reminded me of the part of me I hated.

http://www.silter.org/aaron/poetry/...0/06/poem1.html
How were you
born
with the luxury
of not having to change
& disregard
your very own feelings
When I must
challenge myself
everyday
& face this
pain
suffering
anger
sadness
longing
& disappointment?

How?

But that isn't really homophobia. That is self hate.

While there is no doubt there are some homophobic people that ARE homosexual, it probably isn't the norm.

If he hates himself because he's gay, then it's both self hate and homophobia. Things can fit into more than one classification at once.

Yes I have actually, I work in the worlds second largest gay community, at a bi-weekly gay magazine and I am gay myself. Needless to say I have a great deal of exposure and knowledge on the matter.

You?

A phobia infers a fear of something does it not?



You are missing the point. Homophobic people are some of the LAST people that will come out and admit they are indeed homosexual. So to have had a lot of homophobic people come to you and admit such a thing would be rare indeed.

And under such reasoning, are people who are Christianphobic really repressed Christians?

Yup, I have seen it a lot.

one more word about zimph or from zimph in this thread and i'll do something drastic.

back on topic.
---

peace for all.