Codewords of the American Female

"I just want to be friends." - You are a pansy sissy bich and you are lucky to have even gotten this far with me.

does this make me look fat?- cmon, sucker, tell me how much you love me and my fat a$$

"We need to talk..." = I'm going to claw your eyes out and make you feel like sh~t.

"Hi" = I really want to jump your English bones.

I don't think so. A "hi" is just a "hi".

"We need to talk..." = I'm going to talk and you're going to listen.

Its ok, I need some time alone - You bastard, your just going out with your friends drinking again and should be home pandering to me.

OR!!

"Im not talking to you" - Im not going to talk to you until my needs require you to get off your butt and rub my feet again.

"I don't care, you choose..." -- I don't like that choice, you should have chosen the other one.

As a female, I find this pretty funny, because it's so true. More!

" " (meaning she doesn't say anything AT ALL) = you made me very mad and it is up to you to find out what you did wrong because I'm not telling you

"When a woman says nothing's wrong, that means everything's wrong.

And when a woman says something's wrong, that means everything's wrong.

And when a woman says something's not funny, you sure as hell better not laugh your ass off"
- Homer Simpson

"It's ok." = you are in trouble for a long time

EDIT: God damn it, hit the reply button instead of edit...

Let's go shopping.

If you're neither an Englishman or gorgeous, perhaps your experience will be different.

I'm not familiar with that one.....what does it mean when she says it?

"We need to think things over." : I am giving you time for you to realize that things are over.

"We need to think things over." [in another sense] : You choose the wrong choice, FIX it.

"I don't normally do this. I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me" : I have yet to do this [thing] with you, today.


[I forgot about this one, I hear it every time]

"Wow, that looks good..." (at dinner) -- I know I should have chosen that from the beginning; however, instead I'll waste the $40 dinner you are buying me and wait for you to offer your entr�e to me and leave you with nothing. If you don't offer, I'll be pissed the rest of the evening.

Her: "So what do you want to do today?"

Me: "We could [go to a certain store, certain restaurant, certain movie, whatever]"

Her: [Nodding] "We could do that."

Translation: I don't really want to, but if you're heart's set on it, I'll go along. Then I'll be in a bad mood the rest of the day. And then if you ask why I'm in a bad mood, I'm not going to tell you why.

Why do we put up with this sh*t?

Oh yeah... sex... foiled again!

Matt Fahrenbacher

OMG I laughed out loud at this one, a lot!

Hmmm, and here I thought it was for less Oprah�...not sure which is better...

"I'm not a lesbian, I'm bisexual" - only in Dodgeball.

Matt Fahrenabcher

i think its more like "If you say yes, I'll hate you. If you say no, I'm not going to believe you and hate you for trying to cheer me up."

"I'm just going to the mall to get one pair of pants while they're on sale. I'll be back in 30 minutes." = I hope the car trunk is empty. I'm going to spend a good half day filling it up with stuff.

I had a gf who never did this while I was dating her, but after we broke up it was all she ever talked to me about.

To this day whenever I fix one of her friend's computer she gets really pissed. Needless to say, I "haven't found time" to fix her computer.

"My dad was asking about you" = My dad has a new gun

"Do you mind if I move that stuff of yours into a drawer?" = Your stuff is nerdy/smelly/unsightly/illegal, and must be replaced by something from Pottery Barn.